Back From the Dead
Friends. Have you ever been so sick, you’ve just been in misery?
Me too.
Misery has defined the last ten days of my life. Starting last Thursday, I began to feel a little antsy. I was headed to a marketing training in Minneapolis with a friend and thought I was probably just overtired from our 3 AM start, and maybe a little carsick because of the rush hour traffic. By mid-day, I just couldn’t sit still. I ached everywhere. I was mad at myself for not having more focus and attention, because the content we were learning was DYNAMITE!
Then it hit me. I had body aches.
Body aches can only mean one thing - the flu. As I realized that I was probably getting the flu, a sense of dread settled over me. I used to get the flu a lot as a kid, but haven’t gotten it in at least 10 years (thank you flu shot!). I knew, the moment it hit me, I was getting the flu. My friend and I left quickly after I realized I was getting sick and we headed home.
Friday, the doctor confirmed it was Influenza A, and I began my stretch at home in quarantine. No amount of Tamiflu, Ibuprofen, or Tylenol touched the aches and fever and for three days I was in misery.
Then Monday came - Norah’s birthday. She was turning four, and like a breath from heaven, I found myself with a little energy and a sense of joy as the aches began to subside and my body began to feel slightly better. I took Norah to get her nails done and spend her birthday money from grandma that morning and then we headed home.
And then the Bronchitis hit.
Now, I’ve had bronchitis before. But what I’ve had before must have been some minor league, baby version of bronchitis, because the kind I got hit with THIS WEEK was a grown up, adult version that stole my breath at every turn and made my lungs feel like they were on fire from the inside out. By Tuesday evening, I was so worried about the burning, I went to the Emergency Room in the middle of the night. They pumped me full of fluids and sent me back home.
For days, I sat on the couch, trying to get comfortable as my lungs burned with every breath and my body grew weaker as I couldn’t eat. Laying on my side made my ribs too heavy, and laying on my back made it hard to breathe. There was simply no way to get comfortable. By Thursday, I was so weak I could hardly stand. I hadn’t eaten anything more than a few spoonfuls of applesauce since Monday morning and the dizziness was unbearable.
More fluids and anti-nausea meds, and I headed home.
FINALLY, finally, finally, yesterday, I began to feel better and was able to get out of the house for a bit after eight days of quarantine. Today is also better….I’m just battling the tired now.
You know what I realized while I was sick? I’m thankful I have a relationship with God.
I wasn’t able to read my bible during most of the time I was sick, because most of the time I could hardly keep my eyes open. When I could keep my eyes open, reading made me motion-sick. I couldn’t read, but I could pray. And yes, I did pray that God would heal me, and I knew in my heart I wasn’t going to die from the flu and bronchitis, but it was miserable. So I talked to God.
We talked.
When it hurt, I talked to God. When I ached and all I could do was writhe in pain from the body aches and the fever, I told God how much it hurt. When my lungs were burning and I got scared because it felt like they were on fire, I told God about the fear. I moaned. I complained. I cried. I was miserable, and trust me, God heard all about it.
Guess what? God was there the whole time. Through the worst of it, through the most painful moments, I knew I wasn’t alone. I knew that I hadn’t been left. I knew that God loved me and was there for me and when I needed comfort in the terrible moments, He was there to give it abundantly.
I’m sure there are lots of christians that think, “Well, duh. He’s not going to leave you just because you’re sick.” And I think at the heart of it all, we know that as well. But sometimes, we need to walk through the painful things to remember - to cast in stone that idea that God isn’t going to leave us just because of ________. Those quiet, painful, miserable moments remind us that this life isn’t all there is. We have a home in heaven that we can look to for peace and comfort. I was reminded of the verse that speaks to this “light momentary affliction” that is preparing us for a weight of glory. This life is light and momentary, but our eternity with God is secure.
What’s your blank? What’s the thing that you need to be reminded of today? That God’s there and loves you and is with you always. Because I’m here to remind you and tell you as well.