The End/The Beginning

I can be terribly short-sighted sometimes. I get really caught up in where I’m at right at the moment, and I simply can’t seem to remember the past beyond recent events.

I’ve had a TERRIBLE cold for the last few days that has literally brought me to tears. Yes, it’s just a cold, and yes, my rational mind knows that at some point it will get better, but when I am stuck in the middle of a coughing fit that lasts five minutes or more, it feels miserable. I have spent the last few days either miserable and coughing, or so medicated on cough syrup I am a shell of myself. I haven’t slept well, I haven’t felt like myself at all, and somehow this cold has managed to derail what was a really beautiful month for me.

I also find that when one thing goes wrong, my mind likes to remind me of other things that are going wrong. In the latest episode of “Jess’ mind says the sky is falling”, I was gasping for breath in the middle of a coughing fit last night. After a minute of dry coughing and getting more irritated by the moment, I attempted to draw in a deep breath. As I drew in a deep breath, I caught sight of my bare arm out of the corner of my eye and for some reason the first thought that popped into my head was, “man, there’s a lot of jiggle in my arm when I cough.”

What the heck?

Instead of crying because I was coughing, I then was crying because I was so frustrated with not being able to stop coughing and not being able to lose weight despite all the exercising and eating right and what is the point of it all and why don’t I just give up now and quit?

Welcome to the crazy that is my brain sometimes.

Obviously, it took about three seconds to tell those thoughts to take a hike and move on, but I’ve found myself more and more grateful at the end of this year. As I have reached the end of 2018, I have forced myself to take time and reflect.

The end of this year has given me hope for the beginning of the next.

Yes, I do have a terrible cold and yes, I wasn’t totally off base with the arm thing - I really WOULD like to be able to lose the weight I put on this year despite all of my efforts. But when I stop and think about this year and all it has brought, I am simply overwhelmed.

I look into the faces of my three beautiful children and I can’t help but smile. They’re incredible. Not only is Isaiah finally getting his front two teeth in, the kid acts so mature sometimes. He thinks things through, he loves having intelligent conversations, and I love watching his mind when he’s building something. Grace has only grown sweeter with age. She’s silly, she’s kind, she’s compassionate, and she ALWAYS brings a smile to my face. Norah simply isn’t a toddler any more. She’s truly blossoming into this fun, spunky, passionate, spirited, amazing child. She questions everything and she’s always watching, thinking, and taking things in.

These kids helped make my year.

When I look into the face of my husband, I see the face of the hardest working man that I know. He works three jobs, usually sleeping only three hours a night, and each and every day he gets up and does it again. He does it because he simply doesn’t know how to be any other way. He’s a good man. He’s a great father. He’s the best husband.

My husband got me through this year.

When I think about all the things I’ve done this year, it’s slightly unbelievable to me. I took the most amazing trip to Israel. I flew with Norah to Germany and got to see what Paris looks like from the top of the Eiffel Tower. My part-time “work” for my realtor friend, Bobbi, isn't really work and just gives me an excuse to spend more time with her. I’ve watched the incredible worship team I get to lead as they grow and worship. I’ve been a part of an amazing church that is building a children’s wing that is going to help win souls for countless generations to come.

God has incredibly blessed me this year.

I pray that the end of this year isn’t just an end for you. I pray that it’s the beginning. I pray that it’s the beginning of unending thankfulness. I pray that you find yourself so overwhelmed with gladness and joy at all you’ve come through that you simply can’t fathom it. I pray that you KNOW deep within yourself that God has been with you every step of the way. And I pray that you didn’t simply “make it through” 2018, but that it becomes a spring board to launch you into what is next to come.

May you be blessed with an incredible and a Happy New Year.